Battle Dancing Unicorns With Glitter: Music Video & Explanation



This is the second of several blog posts explaining the songs we wrote on Engine of A Million Plots. The second song on the list is “Battle Dancing Unicorns With Glitter.” We recently released a new music video for the song via along with an interview with Leanor. You can see the new music video below, the words to the song and Reese’s explanation. Please leave your thoughts and questions in the comments. And don’t forget the original disclaimer of this series. If one of these songs means something completely different to you than what Reese says, that’s probably the better explanation. 

“Battle Dancing Unicorns With Glitter” by Five Iron Frenzy
From their album “Engine of a Million Plots”

Directed by: DJ Brawner
Edited by: Todd Cooper

Video premiered online first at

Full album available for purchase at iTunes and at our online store.

See Five Iron Frenzy play live at these upcoming shows.

battle dancing unicorns with glitter

Shut your face,
high school jerks.
We’re about to show you how this works.
Are we cool?
Laser beams.
We’re about to awesome all your dreams.
And you’ll say, “What are you, some kind of computer?”
and we’ll say, “A cyborg pimp from the future.”
And I’m going def for sheezy,
I’m feeling a bit uneasy.

Let’s get this straight –
oh yeah, we are the champions.
We’ll be battle dancing unicorns
oh yes.
Battle dancing unicorns.
It’s not too late,
you could gamble on the heavy hitters,
while, we’re battle dancing unicorns,
with glitter.

Party rock.
We’re hip- hoppin’ and we can’t quite stop.
Aggro hair,
Grizzly Bear.
Bet you’ve never met a thousand-aire.
Then you’ll say, “Whatever, I think you’re moronic.”
And we’ll say, “Not really, we’re only bionic.”
And you’re still in high school,
but have to acknowledge,
that we are professors at Robot Spy College.

To be what I just can’t,
impale myself upon the horns.
I’m fighting just to be relevant,
I’ll battle dance some unicorns.
I’m battle dancing unicorns,
with glitter.

Explanation of the song by Reese Roper:

I just hit this point where I knew I was becoming middle-aged. All of a sudden, I found myself asking the question “What is all this rainbow, unicorn, pony crap that all the kids are into these days?” And not little kids, which is understandable. High school and college-age young adults, wearing a bunch of unicorn junk. I thought it would make a really funny song to use it as a metaphor when I heard a comic, Eddie Gossling, do this bit:–quitting

So, this is a song about feeling irrelevant. My favorite part is the double entendre in the bridge. Is it Unicorn horns, or the horns of a ska band that I‘m being impaled upon? Yeah, remember that two-week period in the nineties when ska was the coolest? That was awesome.


  1. Some friends and i were trying to get set to make a music video for this song, so that’s a missed opportunity.

    Speaking of missing out: I missed those 2 weeks in the 90’s so everyday is the day that ska is awesome to me. Any genre that can be as entertaining as ska can is the ultimate music. It’s a genre where even the most somber songs are danceable and catchy, and I can’t help but smile when singing along to even the most angry songs.

  2. How can you possibly feel irrelevant with your vans and wallet chain and backwards hats and tattoos? Also, I prefer to think of this as a song devoid of meaning. It’s just fun.

  3. I see this song as part 4 of the underdog trilogy. It started with “Suckerpunch” where he was looking for validation and found it in God. In “You Can’t Handle This”, he finds the confidence but falls into the sin of pride when in reality he is still the nerdy high schooler from Suckerpunch. By the time he reaches 29 years of age, he is trying to fit back into the glory of his high school days but isn’t doing well in “At Least I’m Not Like All Those Other Old Guys.”
    So now in “Battle Dancing Unicorns – With Glitter” he has grown up. He feels like he is no longer relevant but wants to still be the cool Fred Durst look-alike and High School kids are making fun of him. He pulls out the “back in my day” card and goes on to try to school them in hipness while still fighting the Suckerpunch insecurities.
    See, one long story.
    Or I made that up.

    • This. I always thought those songs were connected, too.

  4. You should’ve called this video, “how the magic chicken got thrown and then suddenly reappeared next to a bucket.”
    If Reese were editing this one, this kinda crazy stuff would never fly….

    • Yeah, that totally ruined the video for me. But I still like to imagine singing this at the next karaoke night at my youth group. “At least I’m not like all those other old guys” seemed to go down ok. Of course I’d end it with an air cannon full of glitter on all those high school jerks.

  5. Without a doubt, this was the EOMP song I most wanted an explanation to. I mean, I got the whole “I’m trying to be cooler than you, but I am just coming off like a bigger dork” thing, but I was like “where do the unicorns fit in?” So now I get it. Thank you.

    As an aside, this is by far my 6-year-old daughter’s favorite EOMP song. We have dance parties all the time to it. It is to the point were I bought her a plastic pony figurine for her birthday and she was like “Ooooh! Daddy! It’s a battle dancing UNICORN!”

    Good times. Good times.

  6. Love this song! “Impale myself upon the horns” is my favorite too, I’ve been thinking the same double meaning so I was happy to see it in your post. Long live ska!

  7. I’ve actually enjoyed ska more since it stopped being cool. I haven’t had to worry about who is or isn’t sellouts in so long that I’ve lost my copy of the handbook.

  8. I’ve always appreciated FIF’s ability to do a completely silly, seemingly nonsensical song, which at the same time has deep meaning. I think a lot of people deal with feeling irrelevant, but we really find freedom in being ourselves. Even if being ourselves means battling dancing unicorns with glitter. But I would have chosen the rubber chicken…

  9. Oh, thank goodness. I was driving and listening to stand-up on Pandora and that bit by Eddie Gosling played. I just about swerved off of the road. And I had no one to share this revelation with! I thought, either Reese heard this too or that is one gigantor coincidence!

    Love the song! Love the album! I missed you guys while you were gone, but my FIF stickers never left my guitar or my car! I was sharing your music with folks up until your return! So great to have you back!


Comments are closed.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share Five Iron Frenzy

Share this with your friends!